Reasons to Wait to Have a Relationship in Sobriety

Reasons to Wait to Have a Relationship in Sobriety

Sobriety at times can seem lonely even though you are often surrounded by your recovery peeps. The recommendation in recovery is to not make any big changes in your first year of sobriety that can disrupt your chances at staying sober, including getting into a new relationship. The thought process behind this perspective is that you should be building your recovery foundation instead of laying a few unintentional cracks that can cause major problems later and here is why.

Change is inevitable

When you start working a program in recovery, work is the key word. The exercises and writing that is asked of you that can aid in keeping you sober as you are unknowingly changing before everyone’s very eyes. If you are experiencing recovery growth and your significant other is not, there will probably be some disconnect at some point because of all the change that you are making.

Shame is lame

Once you start opening up in recovery there are two scenarios that could happen when you are getting to know your dating partner. You could be dishonest about your past because of the embarrassment that you may feel, or you could open up too much causing your date to pass shameful judgement onto to you. Either way this can cause more confusion in the relationship and you may be unable to handle it without having the essential recovery tools.

Obsession is faulty

You are in recovery because you have an addiction. Replacing one addiction with another is not uncommon with people that have addictive personalities. If you become obsessed with the relationship, being in love, or with the other person, you may set your recovery back with the negative behavior that you are exhibiting due to thinking you cannot live without the total package of the relationship.

Breakups are difficult

Having to go through any sort of rejection in your recovery is not conducive to staying sober. You could get too close for comfort with a relapse because you might not be able to handle the pain that is associated with not keeping the relationship that you could have inadvertently used as a coping mechanism in the first place. Relationships can be tricky and even trickier when trying to build a solid foundation in your recovery.

If you need to get into a relationship earlier than a year into your recovery, just be resourceful about it. Talk to your sponsor or a therapist about the relationship to gain some constructive insight about your specific situation from someone you trust that will give you honest feedback. Your number one priority has to be your recovery, or you can lose everything all together.

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